🔗 Share this article Navigating the Desire for Casual Encounters While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement fades, I always get the urge to have sex with other men again. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous homosexual males have open relationships, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, frequently causing lots of pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused. Each individual's intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. At some point you could encounter a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want completely … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present with your partners, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear. The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.