These Words from A Parent Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who often absorb negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a display of weakness to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to ask for a break - spending a few days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."